This post has got to be one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. And, I've never seen it before in the net, until today, so that makes it doubly good. The original is
here. The description on the site says:
Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hillarious list and posted them to the web.
Here are some of my favorites:
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not 'Why?'
68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to ‘Block out the space mind control lasers'.
87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a ‘Cool Mint’ Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
200. My chain of command is not interested in why I 'just happen' to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.
204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."
210. Must not make T-shirts up depciting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
[via
BoingBoing via
The Adventures of Accordian Guy in the 21st Century]
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